2020 has been the shortest and longest year ever at the same damn time! How is time flying by and standing still all at once? How is it *already* September, but it feels like we are perpetually stuck in March? When I realized how quickly my birthday was approaching, all I could think was “What did I even do this year?” I would joke that I’m not adding a year to my age because this year has been a waste. COVID-19 has changed so much of my life since it reared its ugly head in March that I forgot about the first six post-birthday months I had before this #QuarantineLife started. I was so busy sulking over the fact that I haven’t been able to live my life the way I’m used to living it that I wasn’t taking the time to think about all of the things that I have gotten to do since my last birthday! I got to experience a whole six months before we got pushed into quarantine, and even though life has looked a lot different since then, I’ve still been living!

As a society, we tend to feel like if we’re not *doing* something, *going* somewhere, or whatever other verbs you want to insert, then our time is being wasted. Ya know what I mean? And when I say “as a society”, I’m including myself in that number because clearly I’m just as guilty. I’ve been trying to focus more on finding the positives in this crazy, constantly negative world that we live in. So, instead of being fixated on all the things I didn’t get to do this year, I started thinking about all of the wonderful things that have happpened since my last birthday and all the good that quarantine has brought into my life.

• I started a new job. After almost 8 years as a NICU nurse, most of them spent on night shift, I finally decided that I needed a little normalcy in my life. So, I put my big girl panties on and I started applying for Monday-Friday jobs. I got a job in performance (quality) improvement and I’m actually pretty damn good at it, if I do say so myself. I’ve completed a few projects, been given more responsibilities and I’ve gotten lots of kudos for my work ethic. After all those years of working 3 days a week, making my own schedule, I was scared shitless to transition to what I like to call “normal life”. But it was literally one of the best decisions I’ve made, for so many different reasons. But that’s another story for another day.
• I made a decision to invest in myself and my mental health. I’ve struggled with anxiety for a while but I always thought I was doing an okay job of handling it by myself. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t! Quarantining at home with a 6 year old trying to conquer kindergarten via “home schooling” while simultaneously working from home AND trying to maintain my sanity…WHEW CHILE!!! Bless it! I was finally able to admit that I needed a little help. I started taking medication for my anxiety and started seeing a therapist. Let me tell you!! I’m a better mother, daughter, girlfriend, friend, employee, all that shit! The only regret I have is not investing in my health sooner!
• I used my voice to make a difference. During the time of #GeorgeFloyd, #AhmaudArbery and #BreonnaTaylor, when our country was in shambles over the continued murders of unarmed Black people, the CEO of my hospital hosted listening sessions. I didn’t know what these listening sessions were going to look like, but I signed up for the first one! And there, in front of our CEO, HR Business Partner and Diversity & Inclusion Manager, I spoke my mind. I said everything I had to say with no concern about what might happen next. It turns out this wasn’t just a venting session, they really were interested in what we had to say. From those listening sessions, they decided to create a Diversity & Inclusion Council and ya girl was exclusively invited by the CEO to sit on the council! Change doesn’t come from one conversation so I’m grateful for the opportunity to provide ongoing input to make a difference at my workplace and, hopefully, in my community.
• I learned to slow down. Maybe it was the fact that quarantine had us stuck inside. Maybe it was the anxiety meds. Maybe it was some combination of both. Whatever it was, I learned to slow down and appreciate all the moments, big and small. A “normal” day was waking up at the crack of dawn, rushing to get my daughter to school then get myself to work and then having to rush from work to pick her up, get home to do homework, cook/eat dinner, take baths and get her in bed by a decent time all to wake up and do it again the next day. Once they shut schools down, our whole life changed pace. Of course, there was the added chaos of keeping her educated and entertained in between work emails, projects and Zoom meetings. But, there were also dance parties, cooking lessons, UNO games, walks around the neighborhood and extra (sometimes too many extra) snuggles.
• I re-dedicated myself to my fitness journey. I’ve lost 22 pounds (and counting) since June! We won’t talk about how much of that weight was gained during quarantine (*cough* all of it *cough*) because that’s neither here nor there. What we will talk about is the fact that I woke up one day and looked at myself in the mirror and said “abso-fuckin’-lutely not!!” And that was that. I changed my eating habits. I gave up beef and pork. I replaced my Apple Watch. I stopped making excuses and started working out at home. And here I am, three months later, still gettin’ it! I’m trying to be #SummerTimeFine for whenever we can go outside again!
• I survived COVID. I was as careful as I could be. Other than work, I can probably count on one hand how many places I had been since quarantine started. I wore my mask. I washed my hands. But in late June, what I thought was my allergies causing that little tickle in my throat and making me cough a little turned out to be Corona herself! Thank goodness my symptoms were mild. A little cough, loss of smell and two weeks of absolute exhaustion! Let me tell y’all. That COVID exhaustion is unlike any exhaustion I’ve ever experienced. But I made it through and I’m alive to tell the tale. And for that, I’m grateful because I know it could have been so much worse.
• I learned what’s important. I see people out here living life like COVID has come and gone. And I just don’t get it. I understand not wanting to “live in fear” or whatever. But using that excuse to justify the dinner parties and the brunches and the need to be all in each other’s faces with no masks for a group selfie that gets posted on Facebook with the caption “hashtag social distancing” is a hard no for me. I want my family and friends to be with me for the long run, not just for a dinner or a brunch or a picture. Sure, I miss vactioning, going out to eat, enjoying a night out with some friends on the weekends. But do you know what I miss more? Real quality time with the people I love, hugging my parents, celebrating every little thing with my family, not having to talk to my aunts and uncles from the porch/through a mask, my child being able to play with her friends. So I’m going to stay inside as long as I need to in order to experience those things again.

I’m sure if I sat here, I could think of so many more things to add to this list. That’s one thing that I’ve learned in therapy. When you take the time to write things out, you tend to look at things a little differently and you’re able to put things into perspective. Have I gotten to do any of the things I actually had planned for 2020? No. But look at all the stuff I did do! Unintentionally! Look at me: slowing down, making boss bitch moves at work, becoming a better version of myself, surviving all the shit that 2020 and my 31st year has thrown my way. Does life look different right now? Absolutely! But am I still living it to the fullest? Hell yeah!! Instead of refusing to move on to 32, I’m embracing it with open arms because at the end of the day, life is what you make it. So, happy birthday to me and my little blog!