I saw a meme on Facebook the other day that said “Job Application – Reason For Leaving: They had me fucked up!” and whew chile! I was triggered!!!

Trying to give myself and my family a sense of normalcy was big part of why I decided to leave bedside nursing and go to a “regular” Monday-Friday job. My daughter was absolutely sick of me leaving her at night to go to work. I felt bad for continuing to depend on my parents for childcare 3 nights a week when I had her. My boyfriend had gotten on a normal schedule and I wanted more normal time with him. I thought about going to day shift, but in addition to nights, I wanted weekends and holidays with my family too. I had been thinking about getting a Monday-Friday job for a WHILE, but I loved the babies and the NICU too much to completely give it up just yet. So in 2018, I applied for and became the Clinical Supervisor of my unit. I was still working 3 nights a week, but I no longer had to work weekends and holidays. That helped for a little while. I got more time on the weekends with my family and was able to be home for all the holidays.

Last year, Rhyan was starting kindergarten and I started to really think about a job change to something Monday-Friday. It was perfect timing because my mom was ready to start thinking about her retirement plan. She was the main person who watched my daughter when I worked because she lived so close to me, and I didn’t want her to spend her retirement babysitting for me while I worked. So last August, I sat down with my boss, our unit manager, and told her that I was going to have to start looking for a job with daytime hours because eventually my mom would no longer be able to help me with childcare. She gave me the whole “we don’t want to lose you” bit and then told me that if I could hold out until spring, she would likely be leaving and that I would be a great fit for her position. So I gave it some thought and decided to hold off on my job search and hold out a little longer.

Imagine my surprise when barely a month later, that same manager came in early one morning and wanted to talk to me in her office. She told me that she would actually be leaving the next month and the unit would have an interim manager until they interviewed and hired someone for the permanent position. So stupid me is sitting there thinking she’s telling me all of this to offer me the interim manager position. Tuh! She was actually there to tell me that they had already decided who the interim manager would be. It would be the Clinical Supervisor of the Well Baby Nursery/Transition Nursery. Yes, you heard me. Someone with no NICU experience was going to be the interim manager of the NICU. Now listen, don’t get me wrong here, I don’t want to sound like I thought I was entitled to the job. And though interim managers usually go on to become permanent managers, I would have fully expected to have had to go through an entire interview process before it became a permanent position. But let’s just recap here. Candidate A: 8 years of NICU experience, a little over a year of leadership experience as a supervisor. Candidate B: 0 years of NICU experience, same amount (a little over a year) of leadership experience as a supervisor. I’m not going to state the most *obvious* difference between the two of us and why *I* think she was offered that job instead of me. But needless to say, I was completely baffled by what this lady was telling me. After I had JUST had a conversation with her about looking for a Monday-Friday job, after she had JUST sat in my face and told me I would be a good fit for her position when she decided to leave. Then she had the audacity, the unmitigated gall, to say “Tell me your thoughts.”

In that moment, I knew she truly had me f**ked up. Knowing the conversation we literally just had a month ago, are you really asking me this? What are you expecting my answer to be?! I quickly gathered myself and my face and just kept my mouth shut because I knew that if I said what I was actually thinking, I would likely not have a job by the end of the conversation. So I simply said “good for her.” And right then and there, before I even walked out of that office, I decided that it was time for me to move on. Like, if I didn’t have bills to pay and a child to take care of, I probably would have put my two weeks notice in without even having another job lined up. I mentally checked out and my job search started immediately.

In the end, it all worked out. I found the most amazing job that I never even knew I wanted. I’m making boss moves and flourishing at work without actually having to be anybody’s boss. I work for a great hospital and I have a great director who encourages me to elevate myself daily. I have the schedule I was looking for AND I have the time with my family that I was craving.

I learned some things through that process:

• Don’t stay where you’re not wanted. Know when it’s time to let go and move forward in your life. Everything is for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Know when your season has passed & be thankful for the experiences you had in that time.
• If you want to do something, do it! Don’t wait. Don’t push it off. Don’t make excuses. Don’t listen to other people when they tell you that they *might* have an opportunity for you. Don’t wait to get all your ducks in a row. (Trust me, all those ducks will never be in a row!) Just do it!
• Nobody is looking out for you the way you look out for yourself. In the working world, everybody is looking out for themselves. People may seem like they have good intentions or seem like they have your back. But at the end of the day, they’re always going to do what’s best for them, no matter where that leaves you.
• Don’t be afraid to take chances. Part of the reason I held on to bedside nursing for so long was because that’s all I knew. I started working in the NICU straight out of nursing school. And though I had worked at a couple of different hospitals, I was still a NICU nurse no matter where I went. I would always think “I don’t know how to do anything else” or “What type of job am I going to get with nothing but NICU experience?” The fear of rejection and/or failure kept me at the bedside longer than I wanted to be there. But I learned to step out of my comfort zone and take chances on myself.
• What’s for you is for you, and what’s not for you just isn’t. I realized that I didn’t actually like being a supervisor anyway, at least not in that department. I learned a lot about myself and about other people during that time. I lost a friend that I had known for 5+ years. I learned that there are certain people who always have to find something to complain about. I learned that I didn’t like being the one that people came to about EVERYTHING. I learned that I would rather be responsible for myself and my own work than be responsible for making sure other grown ass adults are doing what they’re supposed to do. I learned that I would rather go to work, do a great job, go home and be able to leave work at work.

At the end of the day, through it all, the biggest lesson in all of this was to KNOW YOUR WORTH! Know your worth and make sure everybody else knows it too! Don’t allow yourself to be treated unfairly. Demand what you know you deserve, not just at work but in all situations in your life.